Episode 3 - Larry

Transcript

Rachel

Welcome to the Guardrail podcast, where I don't know anything about anything, but God is definitely doing something and we're here to talk. About it, I'm Rachel,

And I’m Fa.

Rachel

And then if I'm just sleeping, you and I, you snore like. Some kind of creature that's crawling out of the depths of hell, so I don't know the sounds you.

Babe you snore, too, by the way.

Rachel

I definitely don't snore for sure I don't.

You snore. Not one. Living creature in this House sleeps quietly.

Rachel

I do not snore. I do not snore.

The kids snore. You snore.

Rachel

No, it's not possible.

The only. Thing you do is.

Rachel

You wouldn't even know.

You sleep sideways in the bed, you sleep sideways.

Rachel

You hear yourself saying.

You're human icicle.

Rachel

Yeah, that's true.

You're not perfect.

Rachel

OK, well I never said I was perfect, but I definitely don't sound like you. And too. I remember one time my roommate in college came over and checked on me because she she said she would often check on me because I don't make noises and I don't. Move when I sleep. She thought I.

Definitely not sure.

Rachel

Was dead a couple of times, so she had. To make sure I was still breathing.

That's definitely not. True, I don't know.

Rachel

Of course, it's been a couple of years since then.

That's when you're 18.

Rachel

And he changes things, I guess.

Speaker

Anyway, what are we gonna talk?

About today phase, we're gonna talk about Larry, the cable guy.

Rachel

That guy is gross.

Larry the goblin. Thought it was.

Rachel

The goblin laria.

Goblin Larry.

Rachel

The gob.

Let's go back. Let's get back to our. I would say journey with God and what's been happening and everything, yeah.

Rachel

I don't remember what we talked about.

We didn't. Talk about Larry.

Rachel

I know that but. I want to reemphasize the I think we talked about idols last time.

We did, yeah.

Rachel

And I think it's important to note and to pay attention to that like you know, I'm getting a lot of revelation from God, a lot of visions. And I'm not special. I'm just spending time with God and I'm like, getting rid of everything else. That's not. That's not that. That's that's a destruction. There was a lot of idols. I get that a lot. But like there's idols that we have that I have and once you get rid of the. Idols. You make room. Like for God's revelation, you make room for God to be, you know, God of your life that makes any sense.

Right.

Rachel

I think I mentioned about the alcohol. I'm going to take the alcohol out of the fridge. I was like, Oh my God, there's so much room in here for, like, good food. Now there's more space.

That's a good. Representation. What's happening?

Rachel

That's exactly what's happening. Like you, you can't. God, God does not ask us to. Like add him in to our messy crap lives? He asked us to make room for him, like to to, to take the crap out so that he could just be. The thought of our lives doesn't make sense when trying to say I.

Right it does. Uh.

Rachel

Probably didn't say that well, but.

Well, I think you what you want to say is I hope is that you do make some room for God in your life, but he would only operate in that little room that you gave him. And in that room, it could be like your salvation. There are things that God will give. But the room's only so big, and there's not space, not enough space. For other stuff. So you start removing things from your life. There's more space for. The fun stuff that comes with the accretion and following God and everything. You don't seem too convinced about that.

Rachel

UM. I don't know. I I I said it well a while ago and I can't remember how he said it.

You put God first things happen.

Rachel

So I was just distracted trying to remember how I said that one time before.

OK. Yeah.

Rachel

But whatever what you're saying is true, I guess. All I'm trying to say is is. That you know. OK. So like with idols, the the big thing is is that everybody is very. UM. I don't. I'm not going to say this word, right? I always mess up this word said.

Susceptible can never say that word.

Rachel

Yeah, that's the why can't I? Say the word.

The influence of anything just tired.

Rachel

No, I'm really tired. Yes, to worshipping other gods like other girls in your.

Yeah, you don't like.

Rachel

Life it's not.

Like we said before, like you don't think. You have idols, but.

Rachel

Hmm yeah.

You do because you think of idols. As other gods.

Rachel

Like, oh, golden cow in my house or a Buddha sculpture.

But, you know, our idols nowadays are very different.

Rachel

No, it's. I don't even know that they're that different.

Than before.

Rachel

They're just like.

Unrecognizable, I would say.

Rachel

Normal normal.

They're they're normal. That makes so much sense because back in the day. Other people would have their idols. Yeah. And you could go out. That's those people's idols are. So I think that's why. The people Israel, like made like a golden calf or whatever. It's because that that was the norm. Yeah, back then, right?

Rachel

Yeah, they all had, like a bunch. Of gods and stuff.

What are our? Idols today for people like money, work, work, you can make your kids or idle. You can make your family. Entertainment is a big one.

Rachel

Your significant other.

If you lump uh, like social media with entertainment, which it is. And like Internet and like, you know, TV and stuff, that's a big I don't.

Rachel

Freakin substances living substances.

People can't go, people can't go 5. Seconds without being entertained. Yeah, yeah.

Rachel

Yeah, it's you on their phone, all that social media boom right there. That one's the biggest. Yeah. These are all like it. It comes down to it. Like, it's not like.

The is the biggest ido yeah.

Rachel

Like God told me. You know you put your. Hope in God right and he will renew your strength. And then you'll you'll, like, soar on the wings of Eagles. Right, well hope. Putting your hope in God. What does that mean? I think we talked about this already, so I won't go to him again. But it's putting your. Expectation and your desires. So what? What else do you have? Your expectation and your desires? That's the problem.

Right.

Rachel

It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, we expect God to do this. We we hope God will do this. We we love God. Yeah, yeah. But what else do you also share your affections with? That's the problem. And it's so it's like, honestly like, the simplest, I think definition of an idol is something else that you expect from. Right, right. What else are you expecting from?

I think of an idle as. Something that takes up your time. And it's not something that's absolutely necessary. To your life like you. You know. Sleep is something we need. You know you. It takes like 6 to 8 hours of your life or whatever, but. It's something you need. Works also something you need. You need to go to work. Cause you need to survive, but if. You if you sit down and you write down where your time goes. You can pinpoint where your idols are. But The thing is like we don't think about. UM. We don't think about measuring those things. But you know, if you measure how many times you watch television, if you measure how many times, how many hours you spent doing X, and you could, you know, it could. Be your phone. Or whatever that could be your idol.

Rachel

Yeah, things that you desire and care about are things.

Yeah, for sure.

Rachel

Usually you put time into. But anyway. So with that being said, the revelations I'm getting is because I am making a conscious decision and and daily effort to not have idols. Get rid of my idols. Is that my only expectation? My only hope, my only God is God and I think that's. I think that's honestly like the biggest key that in addition to not being blind, because if you're blind you don't know you have idols. You also don't know anything, so you can't be blind once you see you got to get rid of all.

Exactly. That's what I think.

Rachel

The crap that doesn't belong.

What is happening to you is what I'm saying is you're. God is bringing you through something and he is opening your eyes to things that are in your life and my life too. And then you were slowly removing it. It's like God shows you, you remove it, you get closer to God, and then it keeps on going all the time, you know, now he'll deal with something else and then something else and then something else.

Rachel

Yeah, yeah. And and too, like I've realized, God showed me a lot of, like, fundamental things in Christianity that apparently have eluded me.

Speaker

Like I'm like. Right.

Rachel

Oh, is that why we do? That like oh. OK, I didn't really get it before, but now I do because he's showing me this.

Because you're not blind anymore.

Rachel

That and like, just you. Like I'd never. Related to it, the way he's showing it to me, you know, I'm very apparently, I'm very visual learner because he's like that's what he's showing me. He's all pictorial. And imaging and stuff like that imagery. But anyway, so let's talk about Larry I. It was around Halloween, which?

Very fitting, good timing.

Rachel

It was fitting it was fitting. I thought this was like a. Halloween special that God. Was giving me I. So I was praying as usual and. I started to see. Headless dead bodies is like almost like. It was like a little platform and they were dropping from like a miniature platform. Like they were kneeling like a headless, dead bodies were kneeling, and then it was like someone kicked them over and they fell like forward on their, like, if they had a face, it would been face forward. But they didn't have heads.

Right.

Rachel

So it. Wasn't like that. It was weird. I was like, oh, this must be my imagination. Like I'm not a I mean, I was like, I don't know if that's my imagination or not. Because like, I don't really think. Gruesome thoughts typically. So I was like, oh, strange. And and you know what else I noticed about the? Dead bodies as. They had no, obviously no life in them, but like that, clearly had no life in them. For a very long time like these were not. It was not gory, so to speak, like if.

It was in a recent death.

Rachel

You were. Right. If you were to to. Cut a head off of something. It would bleed out and like. Lose its color. This thing had no color.

Speaker

Right.

Rachel

This this meat was dead, like in the freezer for a while. You know, I'm trying to say these bodies fell and it was like 2 bodies, maybe three.

Right, yeah.

Rachel

I saw them fall and. I didn't know what was that about, and I remember even coming downstairs. Yeah, like I woke up and I started praying and I saw these things. It was before work. And I came down there was like seeing. Dead bodies. You remember what? I told you. That I do. I was like I don't. Know what this is. But anyway I was praying about it. And I didn't get any like immediate answers. I prayed about it for a bit and UM. You shouldn't give me that soda. This is not.

You're fine.

Rachel

I was praying for a bit and then I didn't get anything. I had to get ready for work and then I was driving to work and I'm praying still about these dead bodies. I was like what? Is this you know what are you? Showing me God and and I. I felt like God was saying. You don't fight. The one who beats the air. I was trying to remember where that's from actually.

Misty Edwards song.

Speaker

Right.

That's one of the Misty Edwards song.

Rachel

Fight as one who beats the air. What song is that?

I'll see you.

Rachel

Later. No. Tell me now.

That's that's exactly what the phrase is.

Rachel

It's from the Bible Fah.

I know but. It's a joke, Misty Edwards says that.

Rachel

OK.

You can look up. The verse, yeah.

Rachel

I have to look up the verse. I don't remember where it's from now, but it's first Colossians that. I know first. Colossians I think it is first Corinthians, the Colossians. Jeez, this is the lack of sleep. 1st cautions 9, I think. Uh, maybe not. Where is it from? But anyway, I don't fight as want to beat here. Well, basically Paul is talking about. Like the like, it's not the Olympic Games. The boxer. So he's, like, talk. He's alluding like they had the the games, you know, like the Olympic Games. But it was like some other kind of game, though that happened like every two years it was Roman games, but it was in.

Roman Roman games, yeah.

Rachel

It was in.

Corinthians Corinth was a people that were obsessed with their bodies, and they were obsessed with looking good and having good soldiers and stuff. So they. We're pretty much into games and stuff, right?

Rachel

Well, I mean, they all wear, like the Romans, all of them. Like like I said, the Olympic Games were a big deal. They would train, they would. Win their little. Like parse celery, yeah, stick crowns and stuff, whatever.

They had no TV, so they're into.

Rachel

I don't know and.

All this stuff.

Rachel

It was celery. And then what? What else was it? Was something else? Pine, pine needles or something?

I don't know.

Rachel

What other two little crowns that they liked? And the little Olympians would wear. Right. Yeah. But anyway, you know, Paul's talking about how like, hey. You know, you train your body to win these games and but like, you know, a boxer doesn't beat the air. He, like has needs to have resistance. He's like, just like the boxers beat the air. You know, I I beat my body and my flesh into submission so that I can be qualified for the race.

Right.

Rachel

That can be qualified for to run. The the race.

He's talking about training, yeah.

Rachel

And yeah. Yeah, like spiritually, though, like it's like, OK. Spiritual discipline is. What it is I wish you.

Correct. Yeah.

Rachel

Can remember where it is. I don't know why like I was so good with remembering, like where all these verses were initially.

You're sleep. You're sleepy.

Rachel

Yeah, so anyway. I heard him say that to me, so it was like initially I thought like, is this like? Ohh you're killing like. Like you're, you know, like the enemy. It's like some kind of, like, you're taking heads. You know like.

Right.

Rachel

But then I I I read up on that verse. I was like, oh, no, this is like an eternal internal thing. Like, this is like a, you know, like dying to flesh or dying to self or having self-discipline thing. So I still didn't really get it. I was so praying. So I didn't hear anything for a while, like the host didn't really show me anything as first Corinthians not I was right first Corinthians 9. 926 OK, just so. That's clear. I don't know, but UM anyway so. UM. I don't remember. What happened after that? I think I had to go to work, so I didn't like, think about it again. But I kept seeing these dead bodies and Oh yeah, yeah. God was like you don't. You don't need to kill what's already dead.

Right, I remember that.

Rachel

And yeah.

That was.

Rachel

Yeah, it's like, why are you trying to kill something that's already dead? Which made sense to the bodies being like, lifeless. They didn't look like they were once alive. You know, it looks like I was just and I saw a bigger picture I was with, like, a chainsaw.

Right.

Rachel

And I was. Sawing off these dead bodies heads. And I was like, excited. I was like, look at this dead body I just killed, you know, like I was excited, thinking I was doing something. And I remember it was the next day I started praying about that again because I was like, I still don't understand why I'm seeing this. So like what am I trying to beat that's already dead, you know, like what? I'm beating a dead horse, basically, but like, spiritually. So I was like thinking about that and I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing wrong here. Like, what am I being distracted by? And, Lord reminded. Me too. Is that like, you know, the enemy is perfectly fine with us conquering something that's already dead in us, thinking that we're, like victorious, you know?

Right. Right.

Rachel

Like for, for instance, fear is a big one. Fear has no no power over us. It's not from God. His God says he doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of. Power, love and discipline and a son. In mind, that's not. That's not our nature. He didn't give fear to us as a nature. And you know, it really is as simple as putting on your shoes of peace and, like, just squashing that fear or, like, casting your anxiety on God because he cares for you, you know. Or so it's it. The Bibles are like, no, no, no. Like, that's already taken care of. Like, fear isn't doesn't have any real power over you. Like the Bible is very clear. You know? And sin, sin, nature too. It's like it's that nature is dead. Since since dead you're not that you're free from the sin of the flesh like that has made you free.

Right.

Rachel

From that. So like people who struggle with their, you know this and that. Like for sure, you know, daily dialing to like your sin nature is like a legitimate thing. But understand that it doesn't have any real power over you. You know you can say no and that's it. You know what I mean? I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm just saying that that's already. Been taken care of on the cross.

Right, yeah.

Rachel

Like we're no, we're not sinners anymore, you know? Like, that's that died. So it's like people people will still like be like oh. You know. Maybe they deal with anxiety, and so for them it's like finally when they have victory over whatever anxiety it's like almost cutting off a dead head like, you know, a dead bodies head, if that makes any sense. Like, OK, that's really good because the enemy can still throw that stuff back. On you. But there are there are real parts of the enemy that are alive and well. UM. And that may be active in our lives that we aren't not aware of because we're focused on things that don't really have power over us that make any sense.

Speaker

Right.

Exactly, yeah. He'll take sayings that are dead. Have you fight them? Yeah, to distract you from what you really need to be focusing.

Rachel

From what is actually active alive for me? To you, yeah.

And that's where your relation comes in.

Rachel

Yeah. So. I was praying about that cause I was like, OK, I get it. Like this is not alive. This is not like an active thing in my life. So what are you trying to say? God and God told me he was like you're living with monsters. And like I'm over here, you know, chopping up dead bodies. Meanwhile, like there is an enemy living in my house. That's like, perfectly free to roam around and do whatever. He wants.

Right, yeah.

Rachel

So anyway, before I saw Larry. I saw you. And so I was starting to pray. I'm like, I ask. The Holy Spirit. What am I supposed to pray? Like I don't know what I'm seeing. So like tell me what to ask. Like, what are the what are? What questions do I need to ask here?

Right.

Rachel

That's a big thing, like I don't know, to pray, so I need to ask the Holy Spirit. What am I supposed to pray and if I'm asking questions, I'm not getting answers to, then the Holy Spirit, like I asked the Holy Spirit.

Right.

Rachel

So wait, I'm not. And I'm not asking the right questions. Tell me what the right questions. What should I ask? And that makes a huge difference. Believe it or not.

Who knew the Holy Spirit? That is the helper is actually helping, right when we pray.

Rachel

Yeah. No, but anyway. So I was. Like Holy Spirit, what am I supposed to ask? You know, like what am I supposed to pray right now? So I start praying in the spirit and I start to see you and you're kneeling in this, like, wherever I am, right in this whole scene, right. Brought over. By Jesus to you and you're kneeling and it's like you're captive, like you're kneeling and someone has tied your hands behind your back, right?

Right.

Rachel

I see Jesus and he's holding like a like a knife in his hand. And he's like, come over here. And and and put him to death. And I was like, whoa.

Me. Kill me.

Rachel

You yeah. Kill you. I was like, this is like weird. And I don't know.

That's telling you divorce me.

Rachel

That's not right. No, he's not. I was like, wait a minute. You know, like, that's definitely odd. So I'm like, OK, I'm making this crap up at this point like that can't be right that. Has to be just. But then I looked around and I could see you. You were not the person kneeling in front of me. You were actually with Jesus and. And so then at that point, I was like, wait, what's? Going on, you know, and then the Holy Spirit was. Like this kneeling right in front you this fall, this version of FAH is your. Expectations of far this is what you want him to be. These are your expectations. These are your standards for fall, and you need to put them to death because your expectations and your standards and your. And are no requirements of him are not what I am requiring of him. The things you're asking him to be are not what I'm asking him to be. And he's right over here with me. This is Jesus and you. And he was like, he's right here with me. And he's exactly the way I want him to be. And I'm really happy with who he is. And so you need. To put to death. Your expectations of him because you're not loving him well. And so I was like, OK, yeah, I'm like, I started repenting. I was like, oh, yeah, that's I don't want to do that, you know, like, I will put to death my expectations that are not fair to far. And like I came to you and I apologize to you, I don't know. If you remember that but.

I do.

Rachel

Because I've been unfair, you know? And so I thought that was it. And I was like, OK, cool. Like, on the next whatever, right. But I started to see. Green goblin. And he was sitting in the rocking chair in our bedroom, and he was just sitting there and he wasn't like doing anything. He wasn't talking, he wasn't. He was just sitting. That's it. Like it's almost like he was a mannequin. There's a piece of furniture in my room, you know, and I was like, that's weird. And then God was like, yeah, you're living with monsters. So it's like, well, OK. And I was like this guy. And then God's like, yeah. This is Larry. And you don't even realize that Larry doesn't belong here because he's been here for a while and he doesn't, really. Make waves. You just think he's a part of the furniture. You just think he's a part of the the features of the house.

Wow, yeah.

Rachel

And I was like, I could even see myself like Jesus and I talking. And I was like, in my mind, I was like, Larry, my guy. Larry's not supposed to be here.

Right, and this is this blew my mind so much cause you were.

Rachel

Like he's always here.

So familiar with something. That is like a demonic creature or whatever that's been in your life for. As long as you can remember or whatever. And it's just there. And you're like oh. That's just Larry. Yeah, Larry's part of the family or whatever. Yeah.

Rachel

Wait a minute. Luscious Larry. I didn't know. He's just here. And I I saw myself feeding Larry doughnuts like. And then God told me he's like you. Bring him Donuts every Saturday and you feed him doughnuts. So like, not only is he living in my house, I'm feeding him. And I was like, huh? OK, look, I don't want Larry here. Like, get him, alright? Jesus, let's get rid of. Get rid of Larry. Take him. Take him out of here. You know audios, you know, but it wasn't really that simple.

Right.

Rachel

And I was like, praying that and again I had to go to work. So it was kind of like, well, get to work. That's kind of like in the back of your mind. So I'm praying. And going on with my day. And it's all good, right? So like the next time I was really able to, like, spend time with God is when I kind of delve into this. So I started praying again and God reminded me again of Larry. So like Larry being there and. Stuff and I. Was like I don't get what Larry is like. What is he? He's like, literally doing nothing. He's just sitting or I saw him in the kitchen and he was just standing like he. Wasn't doing anything. Wasn't making ways he wasn't obvious. You know. And and and God told me he's he's your high expectations. He is your high standards. And but that wasn't. What he was, though. Like, OK, it's hard to explain this, but basically those are symptoms of Larry. So I understood the symptoms of Larry. That's what I was. Feeling in this spirit?

That's what Larry wanted. High expectations.

Rachel

Uh, no, not necessarily. It's just something that he brought with him. And so I was like, OK, what is Larry like? What is? Who is Larry, you know, cause like I got. I'm like, alright. So I'm praying about like my these expectations cause I I was like. The reason I had expectations for you that were high is because I have. You know, I don't know. Like I just have high expectations. So I'm like, I don't know, why wouldn't I have it for other people if I don't have it for myself too?

Right.

Rachel

I do you know?

Right.

Rachel

So I'm like, well, what is this? So I I just felt like I was just supposed to pray about. The symptoms. Like, OK, we're bucking it like, you know, I'm trying to figure out who Larry really is, but all I got is that he expects a lot. And has high standards, so I'm praying about that. And I'm like, praying the spirit and I'm like, geez, I don't know anything yet. Like I don't get what this is or who he is, so I'm praying I'm praying. I'm praying like forever. It felt like forever. It was probably like 10 minutes, but. I'm praying and I'm like, OK, like Holy Spirit, like I don't. I need to know who he is. If I'm supposed to, like, get rid of him. Like I don't want to live with Jerry anymore. I was like, Holy Spirit, tell me what Larry's real name is. And again, I'm praying. I'm praying. I'm praying. I got nothing. I was like, is he perfectionism like I had to kind of probe. I was like, is that who he is? Is that like what I need to get rid of perfectionism, which I don't consider myself a perfectionist, and I didn't then either, but I was like, I don't know, is that another symptom of him? And and and it was kind of, you know like kind. Of like things need. To be perfect, you know.

Yeah. Yep.

Rachel

And so I was rebuking that and praying about these symptoms as kind of like peeling layers to an onion. Like if you want to get to the center of the core, you gotta peel off the layers first.

Speaker

Right.

Rachel

And I was like, I don't know, Holy Spirit, why aren't you? Telling me like what I was supposed to pray? And I just. Felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me he's. This one's going to take a minute. You need to pray in the spirit and you need to worship and it will. Come and while I was doing that and started to worship, I could see Jesus and like angels in our house, like tracking Larry down like Larry was.

Well, yeah.

Rachel

Putting her fight. That's the thing. Like when we don't get the answers right away, sometimes we need to do warfare and that's what was happening.

Wow, yeah.

Rachel

Like Larry was running around the house and they were like, you know, trying to track him down and like, get him under submission. But he was fighting back and so.

Right.

Rachel

After a while, you know I was just kind of like, alright, well, maybe he's just not gonna tell me today. I'll I'll just worship and just kind of like whatever. And then finally, the Holy Spirit spoke to me after about it felt like an hour. He was like. When you were having your high expectations on fall and your high standards, you weren't loving him, right?

Speaker

Right.

Rachel

He's like, what's the opposite of? Not love of love. And I was like, hatred. And he was like, Larry's real name is self hatred. And I was like self hatred and like it made sense like I got it. But I was like I. Didn't think I hated myself, you know? And I was like, oh, OK. And it's funny because I remember Googling like the symptoms of of I no, I googled like people who I. Yeah, I Google. Like, you know, what is perfectionism? What is these high standards like, you know, high expectations when people have that and it's like kind of like perfectionism like, what is that really? And it's like some secular website. And some psychology website was like ohh these things are self hatred and.

Right.

Rachel

I was like holy.

Wow. Wow.

Rachel

And like I I. Did not consider myself to be someone that did hated themselves. It like it wasn't like, dramatic over here, where I was like, contemplating like her, harming myself.

Self harm, yeah.

Rachel

Or you know. I didn't feel like that. In fact, if you had come along and told me or or asked me like, hey, do you hate? Yourself, I'd be. Like no, of course I. Like I love myself, you know. Yeah, but but the Holy Spirit was like, yeah, you weren't loving your husband, right? Because you don't. Love you, right? You don't love you, and he's like, love yourself first, right? He's like. Love your neighbor as yourself. And if you can't love yourself, you're certainly not going to love your. Spouse very well.

Well, in fact, you were loving people as yourself. Right, because.

Rachel

Yeah, I guess, yeah. Or or just like the. Lack of like. Yeah, you know. My I I was, of course I was putting high expectations on you and and standards that weren't fair because I do that to myself because Larry's living. With me. And so after he showed me this, I started to see Larry Moore. And I realized like he was showing me, like when I was feeding Larry Donuts. He would eat the doughnut and it would be fine. He wouldn't, like, bother me would just be like eating doughnuts together like he and I like. I would eat. Doughnuts with Larry. But then God let me see the rest of it and the rest of it was after I was done eating my share of the doughnuts.

Right.

Rachel

Larry changed. Larry had a stick. I didn't know he had. And once I was done eating my doughnut, he took his stick out and started beating. The crap out of me. Furious, so furious and like, really beating me up. Which makes perfect sense. I don't know. I mean, you would know. But if I were actually to eat a doughnut. Then I would have beat myself up for it because like I had very high, very strict eating habits. So if I actually ate a doughnut, I would feel awful about it. I would beat myself up. I would feel guilty about it. And of course Larry was a part of that and that it made sense to me because I was like, Oh my God. Yeah, that makes 100% sense like I. Would literally beat myself up. By in a doughnut.

Right.

Rachel

So anyway.

Yeah, but not to. The point where because there's a lot of women out there that have issues with, like, bulimia and stuff like that you've never had. Those issues, yeah. Yeah, but I think it's important to say that because. If you had told me this story before and you said it's about somebody else, I would have thought. Ohh, maybe this person suffered with their weight and stuff who never had those things you just had that feeling after you ate like something bad that it's like you beat yourself up or whatever, right?

Rachel

Yeah, I was just feel bad about making that poor choice because of my expectations.

Yeah, I think that's important to say because. It's subtle and you never would have thought that this is something that's a problem. It's just something that, you know, maybe you thought it was normal to beat yourself up just because you, you know, didn't meet certain expectations or until God opened your eyes and said, this isn't normal. This is like. A demonic thing or whatever.

Rachel

Or like making mistakes like going going to work and if I made a mistake like I'd come home and be like it could be the dumbest.

Right.

Rachel

Mistake too, and most of them were. Like most of the things I did at work that were mistakes like people did like on a daily like you know per shift, they would do it and no one would care. But if I did. It, forget it. Forget it.

You've been a nurse for like, 4 years now, maybe 5 already. Uh, countless times you came home and you told me. Some story that you did. At work, something you did at work. And I'm like, yes, you know, I'm sure everybody does that. I'll, like tell you I'm sure everybody does it, but you.

Rachel

And like legitimate. Yeah, yeah.

Beat yourself up so. Much, and it was so like. I don't know. It made me. It made me sad. You need to be like I don't. I didn't it it it got to. The point? That sometimes I didn't want you to like. I never want you to have a bad night at work, you know, I mean, because I. Know you're going to beat yourself up over it, yeah.

Rachel

Yeah, I would carry it and like it would really like and I'm I wanna emphasize how you know. Some of these mistakes would be, you know, but for me it was normal to just not like, like, beat myself up for making any mistakes, right? And I do think you're right in in saying that like Larry was not obvious. It wasn't like, oh, this person is depressed. You know, of course she has the issues of like, you know. Self hatred because she's on pills or she has depression or she had these not it. But that was not me and and it would not come across as that way. You know, I'm trying. To say like.

Yeah, subtle. Very subtle.

Rachel

Under the radar, 100% and that's how he likes to roll under the radar.

Just enough to bother you, but not enough. To be a huge red flag and you know, I mean.

Rachel

Yes, not enough to make me address him.

Yeah, he was just there enough to give you.

Rachel

I didn't even know he was really there.

Some grief, but not enough for you to be like. OK, maybe I have.

Rachel

A problem? Yeah, like maybe the goblin living my house isn't normal. Just enough to be like, OK, OK with him, you know, so. Anyway, after I had realized what Larry's real name was, that being self hatred, it made perfect sense to me and felt right in my spirit. And so I was like, OK, so I need to get rid of Larry. Like, I need to put him to death like he has to go. And, you know, God was reminding me of of. Love, like his love, right? So like. You know, I wasn't loving you. Right. Because I wasn't loving myself. You can't love someone you can't love your husband. Well, you can't love your friends well. Your children. Well, if you hate yourself, it's just not going to work out.

Speaker

Right.

Rachel

And so. So I was realizing that and then God was reminding me of that the verse too is like his perfect love drives out fear. Right. Well, here's the thing, though. It's not just fear that his perfect love drives out. His perfect love is in the business of driving out anything that does not match up to his perfect love.

Right.

Rachel

So nothing can stand against his perfect love. Once his perfect love comes down, everything else that is.

Speaker

Right.

Rachel

In opposition of that has to go right. It has to go. And so. I just really felt like the Holy Spirit. Was like pray. For his perfect love to replace him. And so God's perfect love to replace Larry. You know, self hatred. And so I was praying that and I was it was like, I don't know. Almost 1:00 in the morning you were sleeping, the girls were sleeping up in your beds and. I was praying like, OK God. Like may your supernatural perfect love come down from heaven right now and just fill the void that Larry has like habited this whole time. And when I prayed that. Are the weather door? Outside of our house, slammed shut like Super Loud with me and the dog.

Well, yeah.

Rachel

Like, stood up and were like what?

Speaker

What was that you?

Rachel

Know and legit. That was Larry leaving like that was it. And let me tell you something. I've not been the same since. And I think you can attest to that. True, what have you noticed that's.

Different, I've noticed you don't beat yourself up anymore over little things. Whether it's food or. Anything like you make a mistake or even. In relating to our kids, like you're very forgiven and you're very. Like you're willing to overlook little things even greater than me like. Because I'll still see myself like being upset with little things when you're, like, trying to calm me down about it. Whereas before it would have made you upset too, you didn't mean. Like just the little things. Yeah, even the way that you see yourself physically. Yeah, that I think is the biggest one because you. Like look a little things and say, oh, that's not attractive or this and that and you're like.

Rachel

It's true, and it's kind of that surprises me uhm. Not that I've ever thought that I was like. Some hideous creature. Yeah, from a hole somewhere, right?

But then again, it was just enough to bother you where you would steal your joy or something, but not enough to. Be like huge problem.

Rachel

It's kind of funny because the other day I was like, look in the mirror. I was like ohh.

I remember that day very well.

Rachel

Look good, which is not something that I'm.

And I'm like, yeah, you. Do look good.

Rachel

Like, oh, I'm. I'm all right, you know. You know, again, I don't, I never like.

Does it make you feel like you're normal? Whereas before you thought I'm not normal. I'm like uh, mostly you're this.

Rachel

No, I never thought I was. Like abnormal. I didn't think I was ugly. I just like you know, wouldn't compliment myself. Now I can, you know, so whatever. You know, you get, everyone gets old and ugly eventually. So what does it matter? But like you know. I do feel better about myself physically. And then also like my the biggest thing I notice is my eating. Yeah, I don't know what is up with Larry and eating doughnuts, but, like right now, I could eat a doughnut and I don't think I'd care. I just ate. Like 50 cookies tonight so. And normally I would have felt really bad about that. Like, oh, I have to, like, go to the gym like I should go to the gym just because I want to be healthy. I'm very I haven't even eaten the way I've eaten.

You're not doing things out of. Self hatred now you're. You know, you're looking at things like, yeah, yeah, maybe I need to work. Out, but it's. A normal thought that every person has, yeah.

Rachel

It's like a healthy like, I have a healthier relationship now with myself clearly and uh, what I eat and.

If you noticed that not hating yourself makes you want to be healthier or be better or something like that.

Rachel

What I've noticed is not hating myself has given me the freedom to enjoy myself.

That's what I'm thinking, yeah.

Rachel

Like to enjoy myself?

You're free.

Rachel

Yeah, to enjoy myself. Like, if I want to eat a doughnut, I just eat a doughnut because I enjoy. I love freaking doughnuts. They're awesome, you know?

This this was a month. Ago, maybe right?

Rachel

Is in October. During December now.

You have gained 0 pounds since then.

Rachel

I mean they gained £2.00 but.

Yeah, but that's like, yeah, that's just, you know, goes because we're inside now, you know, I mean, like, that's like, the winter pounds they.

Rachel

Like it's got to be fair, it's not really. Not even that, I think like. I if I eat a. Day of vegetables or something like. I'll go back down to that. Like it's just the weight or something, you know? And I haven't gained any weight. Like I didn't have to be so cruel to myself. I was almost. Like punishing myself, yeah.

That's my point. Like you did. That was never a problem.

Rachel

But you know, here's the kicker is that I. Was like. Where did Larry come in? When did Larry become a a feature in my house? You know exactly. And I think God showed me.

Oh, I remember this.

Rachel

I don't know if I told you. Maybe I did. I don't remember who I tell things to anymore, but I was praying I was. Like what? Where did Larry when? Did Larry come in and just move in? You know, when did I welcome in? In with his bags. You know what I mean? And God showed me exactly when. And it wasn't that. Long ago it. Was like like it was back when I was. Working at, I don't know if I should stay at the hospital. Probably not, but so back back, back in the day, back in the day when I first started being a nurse, the first year of my nursing career, I I was picking up a lot, like picking up a lot of shifts and like, the my coworkers was like, I'm like you've been.

The first job.

Rachel

Here like. I was working like 48 hours or something like that. It was one of these times where I just kept picking up because I was like a new nurse and not burned. Out yet. So like.

They were like they were. I don't think you're burned out.

Rachel

I'm not burned. Out at all, but. I'm I'm just getting started, but I'm saying like, you know to them, so they like like to target the new nurses. Because I don't.

Ohh, right, right, right.

Rachel

Know any?

They didn't get to you yet.

Rachel

They don't know it. Like the new nurses? Don't know any better not to pick up like every freaking shift. But yeah, anyway they call. You and you like, don't wanna say no. So I'm. Like, yeah, anyway, I made a. It was a joke and they were like, yeah, you've been. Here and like wow. You were just here, like yesterday. And the day before or like you. How many hours have you worked now? And I was like this and that. And she's like, wow, it wouldn't be me. I'm not. I'm not answering the phone when they call. Right. And I was like, yeah, I must hate myself.

Speaker

Right.

Ohh, get out of here really.

Rachel

Yeah, I said it multiple times. And that's well, that was my joke for when I picked up shifts like, yeah, I hate myself. So, you know, I'm here. Yeah, there's a seed. It's like it's a little like, OK.

Speaker

It was.

OK.

Rachel

Oh, you do. OK, let me come in. You know, it's so easy. Like no joke, life and death is in the tongue. You know, 100% yeah. How many times are we cursing ourselves? Are we making jokes? Are we, you know?

Right, Yep.

Rachel

Saying things about other people, I think when we talk crap about other people, it's we're just giving the enemy an idea. It's like, OK, oh, you've noticed their behaviors. Uh, so let me, like, reinforce that for you, you know.

Right, yeah.

Rachel

You know, I'm trying to say.

That makes, Yep, that makes a lot. Of sense.

Rachel

I think our we talk crap about other people, it's. Cursing them and it's just assigning the enemy to them.

You will build. An image of a person in your head because of what you say about them. And then you relate to that person as such. But you know, you could have. Just made it all up in your head, you know, I mean, like you start. Saying all that person's. An idiot. And every time you see that person's like you, you know. Ohh that's there's that idiot or whatever. And in your mind that person becomes an idiot and you treat that person as such or whatever. So that builds, you know what I mean?

Rachel

Yeah, I think that's definitely a part of it. For sure, yeah. I think that we just we we give the I give we give demons assignments when we're talking crown I just think.

Speaker

That's that's personal.

Will you give them permission?

Rachel

You you you should not even permission. I just think like I mean the the the enemy doesn't have control of anyone's thoughts. Right. And so they don't know what you're thinking, but they can see your behaviors and your actions, right. And so can so do we each other right? And so imagine like we're talking about somebody else and there's. Demons are watching. They're listening or something. I don't know.

Oh yeah.

Rachel

And so, like, you're saying, oh, this person has a problem with that. Like I think you're just giving assignments for the enemy to. Like, be opportunistic to those people's lives, like you've given permission pretty much to be like Oh yeah.

Exactly, yeah.

Rachel

OK, let's make it happen. You know, I don't know.

Speaker

Right.

Rachel

That makes any sense. Probably not saying well.

It does make sense. It does make sense.

Rachel

But you know when we say like, there's word curses and stuff, that's what it is. You're just you're just giving the enemy an assignment. Like yeah, that person struggles. OK, for instance, like, I think that person struggles with *********** or something, right. I think they. I lost or something like they lost like that. Like, you know, they have problems with their marriage because they can't. Control themselves. You know, I think you're just you're just cursing that person and you're just like you're reinforcing. You are encouraging the enemy, I think, to attack that person in that way.

Right, yeah.

Rachel

That's my beliefs on it. I mean, I haven't like found like, I'm not like, oh, this is what the Bible says. This is my thoughts. That's my understanding of word curses.

Right. Especially if you're an authority over that person like a parent, or you're a spouse or whatever.

Rachel

Right. I think you just give permission for the enemy to attack in that way. And then so in your own. Like I'll say, like I do not hate myself, you know, and I didn't before. I didn't ever. But you know, you plant a seed and the enemy takes advantage. The the enemy is very opportunistic and they're always watching and they're always listening and like even Jesus told me something recently. About the enemy and the enemy, he said, is always knocking at your door. They are always knocking at your door. And they will pretend to be anything. They'll do whatever they can to make you open that door up. You know, they at the very least, they could pretend they're a freaking pizza delivery guy or they're delivering a package for you. Anything they can get you to do to open up the door and let them in in some capacity or with another.

Right.

Rachel

The thing is, is that we don't have to. Open the door. Like the anybody that's worth being in in the House is already in there, which is. Jesus like. Jesus knocked the door. You open the door, Jesus, and that's it. You don't. Need to open the door? Anymore, you know?

Right. One thing that I've been learning with all the things that you've experienced lately is that. I used to think if God's in your heart, Jesus in your heart, in your house or whatever. He owns everything and he is everywhere, but that's not true because we tend to. Section off parts of our houses and say, Holy Spirit, you stay in this area of our of my heart and you know God, you stay in this area and my families in this area or whatever. Where God wants you to just let him be everywhere. It's not just ohh. God is in my life. And you know, when it's Sunday, I take him out and we go to church. And that's his day or whatever. But when he wants Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, he wants everything he wants. All parts of your heart. He doesn't want you to lock him up in a room or the Holy Spirit in a room, right? He wants. To be everywhere, yeah.

Rachel

He wants every part of your day. He wants to be with you. Every part of your day.

Yeah, that's a little foreshadowing for revelations to come.

Rachel

Yeah, that's true.

Honestly, that one blew my mind the most. There hasn't been anything that you've experienced lately or. Ever since, like we started doing this, that hasn't completely changed the way I feel and see things. Yet the latest one. Was insane and we need to record these things because.

Rachel

The one from today.

What are we talking? About today, just forget.

Rachel

And the latest one is the one I talked about today.

Uh, no, it was the one from, like, yesterday. Or maybe the day before. Umm Monday. It was the one from Monday. OK. Yeah, that one was. That one was just so. Heavy. It was so much. It it honestly changed a lot of you know how I relate to God and everything.

Rachel

How has it changed you?

What you said? About how God celebrates our humanity and stuff. Was so freeing to me that like you have no idea. Because it and and it makes sense, it makes sense because God started speaking to me of how. The first thing that. God said about people in the Bible and about humans or whatever. He it's Ji memorized his genesis one chapter 26. He says let's make men in our image. And after that it says in our likeness. So twice, he says. In the same verse, let's make him in our image and in our likeness like he's he emphasizes it. We're like God, we're like his image. The enemy will come around and say, you know, oh, you have to do this if you want to be like God, you have to do that. If you want to be like God, but the first thing he's ever said about us is. That we are like him. And that's very powerful. That freed me. And what you said about how God. Because we forget, we forget. I think God knows what we are like. Yeah, God knows. You know that we are weak. God knows that we make mistakes. We sin in this and that, and This is why he's, you know, he's come to save us. He's come to give us. You know, Jesus or whatever too, you know. So we can be restored to that, you know. I mean. And I don't know. I try not to beat myself up anymore for little things. Know what I mean? Or like oh, today I didn't have time to pray today, I didn't have time to do this or that. It's like God knows, you know, I mean, like, God knows I didn't have time. God knows like I'm not. I'm not. I don't feel guilty of stuff anymore. You know what I mean? Like, I don't feel guilty. For being human, for being me. I was like, wow, this is amazing. Like this, this weight that's lifted off of me is.

Rachel

It's crazy. It's it's so crazy because. What you're saying is? And I don't think that I've ever really comprehended how much God must love human beings. I mean, we say like, of course, God loves us. He sent his son to die for us, like, well, who would do? That unless you loved. The person that you're sending to, right? But like, I don't think my mind has been able to wrap myself around that concept that. We are a. Creation that God formed and he's put up with so much and you think about that. He must love us. So create like the amount of love he must have for us, our humanity. He must love it. Else why would he put up with? Everything you know. And he's like in the garden, like he was just with Adam and Eve. And and then the sin nature got in the way. But he obviously loved Adam and Eve, right? Yeah, he created them. He said it was good, right? He said humanity what he created.

Was good, yeah.

Rachel

And now, after the sin nature, we have freedom from the flesh. We have freedom from sin, so we're not. Associated with sin anymore, like we were after the fall.

Right, Yep.

Rachel

So what he's saying about you and I is that it's still good. Humanity is still good. Since bad. But you are good. You know, yeah. So that that I don't think that I've ever really gotten. That before it was like, you know, your mind knows it, but your heart hasn't totally like. Accepted that truth. That, like God's not threatened by our mistakes. He's not threatened by our humanity. The things that make us human.

Didn't you say he celebrates our humanity? That was the word that was. Super heavy in my.

Rachel

Yeah, I probably did say that. And he has said that, but I what I remember him saying is that. He's not threatened by mistakes that we make. Yeah, he's not threatened by humanity. In fact, he loves our humanity. Yeah, he loves the things that make us human.

You know, yeah, verse don't use services. So God created mankind in his own image. In the image of God he created, he says it twice in two chapters. He says it twice. The first first, Genesis 26 says. Then God said, let us make mankind in our image comma in our likeness. And 27 he says so God created mankind in his. In his own image in the image, he in the image of God, he created them, male and female he created. I even like the part that says male and female. He created them because a lot of people like you know, days confused about gender identity or whatever. So the 1st 2 verses that mentioned mankind. In the Bible, talk about identity in mean. The first verse talks about it twice. The second verse talks about it twice. The word created is in the second verse three times. I've never ever thought about that. I've like until the other day. I was praying. And that phrase came to my mind. Let us make man in our image. You know what I mean and we spend our whole lives like trying to be like God trying to imitate God and trying to, you know, live up to his standards and stuff. And when we already are. Like God enemy like we are in his image. So if like the dead bodies that you see that you saw in your vision that you're fighting. I think that that's one of them. Like you, you fight sin because you want to be like God, but you already are like God. So that's why the devil uses that because he's trying to break down your identity all the time he's trying to. Get you to believe that you're not like God and actually one of the things that I came to my mind when I was praying is like that was the sin of Satan. He wanted to be like God, but he couldn't. Because the angels are. Not created like God we are. You know what I mean? So yeah, that's why he fights this so much.

Rachel

It's true.

It's because that's, you know, he doesn't have the identity that we have. He is jealous of that. It's it's, you know, he's jealous. So he this will be always something that he will attack. You know you have an identity. He wants to break it down. He wants to destroy it.

Rachel

Right.

Because he wants your identity.

Rachel

Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, that's good. I mean, it's definitely. It's it's funny, I love. I mean the the origin story is so eye opening when you. Understand other things. That like we all focus on like the fall, like OK God created. The earth and this is. What he did, blah blah blah. And then, like the fall happened and. Then everything went to crap, you know, and. But The thing is though is that. In the beginning, in that whole part, before the fall really demonstrates what God's intention is with us. It is so simple, like God created us so that he. And we will just enjoy the relationship. We'll just have a relationship and just be he wants to enjoy us. He wants to enjoy his creation. He wants to walk with us, right? He he walks with adamant in the garden and like talks to him and and has that relationship and that's that's. That was the. Whole purpose, he he just wanted to have relationship with. Us he just wanted us to know.

Yeah, there. It's funny you say that because there is no. I have to. Read it. So I don't say something stupid. There is no other purpose. Other than you know. God just made us. You rule over the earth or whatever or whatever. And the other thing is you just you hang out with God at the end of the day. That's all Adam did, like God would come down to the garden. They would hang.

Rachel

Yeah, yeah, they would just hang out.

That's it. Yeah, let's hang out. You know what I mean?

Rachel

And that's. Every time I see Jesus in my visions, that's all we're doing. We're just hanging out. Like I don't have to do anything. We're just hanging out and it makes sense because that's. That is why. Got intense. That's always what he intended.

Yeah, there's the visions that you're going to speak next.

Rachel

They loved. His hang out.

There's the one where you hanging out with Jesus and the. You know, amusement park. There's one you hanging out with Jesus at the lake. He's fishing, right.

Rachel

Yeah, there's one in the river.

So those are your.

Rachel

We're just chilling. The latest one I think, was really fun. Because it was fun, we were all. Just having fun. But anyway, I'll have to explain that later. But it's not as severe. And as complicated as. People make it to be the simple gospel, the simple Kingdom.

Right. Right.

Rachel

You know, it's actually very simple. It's not complicated and we don't have to work like it's so funny. Like we're so busy beating ourselves up like with the Larry thing when God's like, why would you beat? Up the things I like. About you. You know, you're humanity. I mean, I I had seen. So the whole thing I'm talking about my humanities because I had seen God put honey on my hands and he just like slathered a ton of honey on my hands and. I started like touching stuff because I got to use my hands to open up the door. I was touching my couch.

Right.

Rachel

It got on my couch. I touched my little one. I got it in her hair and there was hair on my hands and there was like flakes of dirt and stuff in my hands cause the honey sticky and. I saw myself touching people's mouths with honey so they could taste the honey. I saw myself touching wounds so that because honey has healing properties that we use it actually in medicine, it has anti-inflammatory it helps antibacterial. I put it in wounds and you know, whatever. Right. And I was. I was asking God, I was like. What does this honey mean? He was like, oh, it's it's the revelations, right? But anyway, I didn't really totally get that. I was like, OK, I don't want to contaminate the honey then, like, I'm afraid, like, OK, the dirt, the hair is in the honey. Like I'm touching the wrong things like I don't want to touch things to contaminate the honey that he's putting my hands.

Right.

Rachel

So I was praying for a long time. Like God, don't let me contaminate this. Like I don't want to interject my own like. You know. Misconceptions or mistakes, or humanity in this honey like I want the honey to just be pure, you know? And when I was when I was talking to Jesus and I asked him, I was like, OK, I know you said that the honey is the revelations.

This is where your mind's going. To be blown.

Rachel

But like what? What is the honey like? What is it really? And was that just me coming up with that answer? Like, what is it? And just like the honey is? Just a gift. It was a gift that he put in your hands and I was. Like really? I was. He's like, yeah, just. Yeah, it's revelations. It's it's a. It's a gift. I he gave. Gift and I was like, yeah, but like, what if I I mess this up? Like what if I get hair and the honey and I get, you know, my dirt.

What if I break this?

Rachel

What if I contaminate the honey with my own like, you know, whatever. And he was like. God knows you're going to touch stuff. He put honey in your hands. Like use your hands.

It, yeah.

Rachel

He's put in your hands. Of course he knows you're going to touch things.

It's funny because I, as you said that I realize that there's a disconnect in my head about how. It's dumb to say this is dumb. Smart God is. You know how simple we are and he knows that he knows. Like you said, hands are made for touch and he put his gift in your hands. And we think that he doesn't know. We're gonna touch things. We are. We're dumb. Yeah, you know, I mean, like, but he knows. He knows you're gonna touch things.

Rachel

Yeah, it's not even that we're dumb. It's like, of course. We're going to.

Simple, yeah.

Rachel

Touch things. Like we need to use our hands to open up doors. Like, yeah, we need to touch our children with our hands. And there was, like, Addie's hair was in my honey and, like, just dirt from, like, touching things was in the honey. And he was like, we're not threatened by your humanity.

Speaker

OK.

Rachel

We love your humanity. And he's like a little hair, a little dirt never hurt anybody. That honey still tastes sweet.

Yeah. You know, it's funny. If you're a religious person, you are. This bothers you? Yeah, where you're saying bothers people that are religious because. Religion will tell you that you know you're dirty. You you know you're messing up the things of God.

Rachel

Not dead.

God gives you something, and you make it your own. That's wrong. You mean like religion will tell you? That you take a gift from God and you mount it on the wall and you don't touch it. You know you you you put it up in your wall, you make it look nice. So when people come around, you show them like, yeah, I got that from God. But you never open the package, you know, to me like you never touch it. That's something that stays up there to look good. And that's exactly the point of religion. That's exactly how the devil disconnects you from God. He he will take away your ability to, you know, use the things of God.

Rachel

And it's funny because even if. You look at. The Bible. You see this? You see that God wants to partner with your humanity. You created humanity. He loves humanity, he said. It was good. He said you are good. He likes the way you think. He likes who you are and what you do. And it kind of blows my mind because you even you even see it like even when Jesus or God like in Exodus is like talking to Moses, he's talking to Moses and he's like I'm gonna just like wipe these Israelites out. Like, let's get rid of him. Who changes his mind? Moses does. Moses talks him. Out of it and it's like. He wants to partner with us. He likes our thoughts. He wants our opinions. Yeah, and it's just it's that's freeing. That frees me up. I was like, oh, wait a minute. He knows I I use my hands to touch things that may not be clean and it's still OK, like I'm not actively trying to sin, but I'm going to make mistakes and he's OK with that. He's not threatened by that. He even told me he was like. Are you threatened when your daughter comes up with wild stories about something that her perception of something?

Right.

Rachel

How many times has Lilly come around and been like saying the wildest stuff about whatever that has is not true, but we just let it go because. What's the harm?

Yeah, like today she. She's saying how she taught Addy how to walk. Yeah, that didn't happen.

Rachel

Exactly. It's like.

But you know, you just.

Rachel

Think it's cute? It's cute. Yeah, like we're not. Threatened by yourself or not?

What I remember from that is Addie was taking steps, but Lily? We're standing there saying, come on, Addy. Thinks it. And she thinks that she thought handy.

Rachel

Now imagine this, though, right? Is that Addie's going to or Lily's going to mature and then she's going to understand the real reasons behind things or the real like truth or whatever she's. Going to learn. Because she's maturing and she's growing and that's what God said. He's like he's not a threat to us. If you get it wrong or your perceptions off is because you will mature and you'll learn the right way. And he's like, if something is actually really serious or, you know, a harm to anything, like we'll let you know. But in the meantime, what's the harm? There's no harm. It's all good, you know? And so, like, I don't think God is is as horrified by our mistakes as we are. And the fact like he, he looks at us. Like children like. We make some purple mistake, but it's like it's kids doing kids stuff, they'll learn, and the much, he said. The real problem is. Is when we don't mature, are we?

Well, he. But there's also the other side is like he wants us to be like children always.

Rachel

Yeah, but I'm just saying, like in our reasoning.

Yeah, but the yes, it's true.

Rachel

You know, we reserve.

But I will say this and I was thinking about this today while I was driving is there will never be a. Time where you will mature enough to get to. The level of God because you know he it's freaking infinite.

Rachel

No, of course.

Yeah, you know, I mean, like, there is no possibility that we'll ever. Be that mature, you know, I mean.

Rachel

Yeah, but that's not what I was saying though.

I know, I know, I know it's not.

Rachel

What I'm saying is, is that 10 years ago, I'm not thinking the way I'm thinking now. I'm mature in my relationship with God and that's exactly what supposed to have.

Right, that's true, yes.

Rachel

And you're supposed to mature. The problem is, is when you don't grow, yeah.

I was also thinking that no matter how much we mature, it's still like insignificant compared to, you know, God.

Speaker

But that.

Rachel

That's what God's been showing me, though. He's like, as long as you're doing the things. With him all good, it's all good.

Yeah, it is all good.

Rachel

That's all he wants. Like God recently showed me going he. Showed me at a pond. With him and we were going fishing. And he told. That and I'll. I'll probably explain it later in a different. Episode of this.

Yeah, you're we're giving away too much.

Rachel

I know it, but it goes along. With this.

I know. It's all so good.

Rachel

But like we we're we're fishing and I was like, Jesus, I was with Jesus and he was like he's like fishing is the most joyful thing and the most. Relaxing thing you can do. And I was like, I don't know, just like I I don't know. How to fish I? Every time I've ever gone, it's not been fruitful. Like I've not caught fish most of the time, and he's like, oh, that's because you haven't gone fishing with me. He's like, I'll teach you everything he's like. And I'll tell you when to fish. I'll tell you what you're looking for. I'll tell you what bait to use. What Paul to use and he said most importantly is I'll tell you when it's time to take a break because you don't want to fish all day.

Right.

Rachel

You can't fish all day and enjoy it. And he said when you fish with me. Then it's joyful and relaxing and fruitful. The problem is, is when we're not fishing with Jesus, it is frustrating and the opposite of joyful, you know. So if you know where Jesus is, you're all good.

Right. Let's end here, yeah. Next episode? It's I don't. It's hard for me to say that's my favorite because every time you've ever said something to me about, you know, what God's been showing you, it becomes my favorite. But I can say that the prayer that the almost gave it away.

Rachel

Oh my God.

I can say that the next. Blew my mind and it blew like everybody's mind. That you talked to.

Rachel

Yeah. Yeah, it did.

So it's amazing. Stay tuned. Alright, like and subscribe.

Speaker

Ohh God.

We don't care. We don't care if people. Listen, I don't know.

Rachel

I'm just going to be my.

Mom, it's just for some people to listen to. Who knows? We will see there will be a book someday.

Rachel

Till next time, yeah, maybe.

Alright, until next time.

Episode 3 - Larry

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